I have decided to move forward. The last eight months have been a blur of emotions, confusion and disbelief. I have never felt more lost, disoriented and out of control. Out of this chaos though came the realization that I have to move forward, create a new life for myself and my family, regain control. I must adapt to the new reality.
Coming to this realization took a long time and a lot of support. Again my children came through. I reached out for support from them and they acknowledged, understood, supported and gave wise counsel. How did they turn out to be so empathetic, understanding, wise, patient? In a way I feel that I let them down. I was so immersed in my own grief over the loss that perhaps I was not helping them with theirs. I also reached out to close friends and depended on the long talks, helpful insights, sound advice and a shoulder to lean on. My family and friends allowed me to take my time through the grief. I never felt I had to rush. They helped me remember and recover my inner resources. Remember who I am.
But how do I move forward? While I am not quite ready to get back to full time blogging I am slowly getting back into the kitchen. It took me a long time before I was willing to enter the kitchen and make anything other than the occasional quick pasta and salad. We live in a rented condo now in Calgary, waiting for the insurance claim to settle, and I didn’t even try to connect with the kitchen here. After working for years in the fabulous kitchen I had at Trail’s End, it seems almost disloyal to cook anywhere else. Thankfully we have our summer abode in Kelowna, where I can see my identity reflected in familiar things, where I can begin to connect.
I am moving forward. Slowly claiming the kitchen again. A stack of new cookbooks is piled on a table beside my computer. There is a new set of hand forged Japanese knives on the kitchen counter, sharp as can be. A few copper pots are providing a sense of familiarity. I replaced my camera along with a couple of good lenses. No longer having the extensive photography set up I had before, with lights, reflectors, props etc. perhaps I can change the style and shoot with only natural light this time? That could be a new adventure and a learning opportunity. See? You have to see the opportunity in new situations.
I plan to finish a few more of the cookbooks I have been working on for my children. There is a vegetable book, a soup and a bread book, a pizza book. I also need to finish the gift cookbook I intend to give to my friends. And I am working on a book about Trail’s End, to leave for my children as a memory of life lived in that beautiful home. All in due course.
I plan to post a new recipe every now and then. Perhaps not at the same pace as before, but still, offer some postings. I may begin with recipes that were photographed and ready to be published before the fire but have been on hold since, and add new ones as I prepare them. I hope you find some of them useful and inspiring.
So nice to see you back! I’m looking forward to reconnecting this summer 🙂
Thanks Laura, it’s good to be back. I had to accept and adjust.
Oh Sweet Dina, I am THRILLED you are back sharing your amazing recipes with us. You have been through quite an ordeal and I am so happy to have the sense that you are receiving some joy out of creating in the kitchen once again! I appreciate how you are willing to share your gift and talent with us. You have inspired me to set my table and take pride in it as well use it as an avenue to show love to my family!! Thank you for that. It was great visiting with you on the phone the other day and I look forward to seeing you soon!!
Darcee, so good to hear from you and thanks for the ongoing encouragement.Hope to see you soon.
Welcome back and “moving forward”. I have thought of you often since our last correspondence. I am delighted to hear that you will be sharing your “pearls” with your devoted friends and fans of Olive Oil and Lemons. I look forward to seeing you again in 2013/2014 either in Canada, the US or some exotic place….Mexico?
Hi Cindy, thanks for the lovely note as always. We’ll have to find a way to connect. We won’t be going to PA this winter. Planning on Christmas in Paris.
To Judy, Anne, Barb and Annie, thank you for the thoughtful comments and warm sentiments you expressed. I responded to each of you privately by email and wanted to acknowledge here as well how meaningful and encouraging your words are to me.
I was so happy to see your posts again – just love your style of writing and cooking inspiration. I wrote this in the email to you but was heartbroken for you. But with the darkness comes the light and you WILL find home again. I hope your new cookbooks and sharpened knives are small sources of inspiration, especially with the abundant summer produce this time of year!
Beautiful pictures, Dina, from your Kelowna summer place. With resourcefulness and courage, you are doing what you need to do to get on with life. Knowing you, it will be an adventure, continuing personal growth, and full of interesting things to do.
With much admiration, your sister-in-law, Barbara.
You write beautifully. You cook beautifully. You are a treasured human being. I can hardly wait
to see what moving forward is going to look like.
Oh Dina, how good that you are now able to move ahead and start rebuilding your life. As your children are no longer at home your lifestyle was going to go through a huge change regardless of where you called home, so you have been forced to take a new look at your life. We found that moving away from a four bedroom house to a two bedroom condo brought a huge change to our lifestyle, and I must tell you that not having those two extra bedrooms in which we collected stuff has been very illuminating. I must now cut back on my clothes, dishes, and things in general and I have found that I really don’t miss them at all. I pray that your new environment will be as kind to you. Wishing you lots of mazel